Each droplet has a unique story about how it reached the ocean. Like every devotee, this is my story of getting connected to Swami.

1992 – Villupuram to Puttaparthi

Residing at Villupuram, a town about 160 Km from Chennai, I had just completed my 12th standard. A typical teenager in adolescence, my habits & friend circle made me desire to join a college in Chennai where I would enjoy ‘freedom’. Hence, I was very disappointed when my parents decided that I should apply to Bhagawan’s college in Puttaparthi. From delaying my application to not preparing well for the entrance exam, I did my best to ensure I was rejected.

However, an unseen hand was pulling me towards Prashanti Nilayam. Before the entrance exam, I was staying with my cousin in Bangalore. My parents who were to pick me up for my entrance exam were struggling to reach Bangalore due to Kaveri water agitation. Due to the riots, buses from Tamil Nadu were not allowed beyond Hosur. But to their surprise, a car with Karnataka registration accommodated them as the car coincidentally was going to a street just adjacent to my cousin’s house.

We reached Puttaparthi late in the evening of May 1992 – and I felt a sudden change in my heart, a sense of calm but I did not acknowledge or enquire into it.

On the day of entrance exam, I did well in my English paper but chose to be mediocre in my core science subjects. There were more than 1000 students competing for about 120 seats and hence my admission was unlikely.

The interview panel consisted of (Late) Prof. Sampath, Sh. Chakravarthy, Sh. Nanjundaya & Sh. Sanjay Sahni who was the Vice Chancellor, Registrar, Controller of Examinations & Warden of Hostel, respectively.

When asked how I had done my exam, my mind was processing the words, “I did extremely well.” But the words that came out were, “English I have some reasonably well. Core subjects, quite bad.” Prof. Sampath immediately replied, “We appreciate your honesty!”

As I write these words, I still vividly recollect wondering, how I uttered those words, when what my mind processed was a different and opposite response.

Prof. Sampath continued, “Chandrasekaran, compared to your Core Subjects, we find that you have scored reasonably well in English. Will you be willing to take up B A English Literature, if we offer that to you?”. Not being in control of what I spoke, I listened to my own response only when I responded thus, “Sir, the Course doesn’t matter, what is of importance to me is that I study in this College.”

The entrance ended & we left for Brindavan for Bhagawan’s darshan. We reached Bangalore on a Sunday which was incidentally my 18th birthday – I was fortunate to have a memorable darshan on my first day as a grown-up adult.

As we stood for Darshan next to the compound wall of Brindavan, Bhagawan appeared. The sun of Indian summer was embracing Bhagawan all over and the entire orange robe, with all its splendour, filled my senses. To add to this glorious moment was the Bhajan, “Bhashmabushithanga Sai Chandrasekhara” which went into an even higher tempo after having Bhagawan’s Darshan.

The whole dimension of space disappeared, and it was the aura of orange that filled me all over. I ran out of my senses; I was there and yet not there. The most exhilarating expression of a human being is tears. And that’s what happened to me, I started crying oblivious of anything and anyone around.

I witnessed His Grace cleansing me of my ego, pettiness, and negative thoughts about Him. No eye contact, no words spoken to, no touch – and yet the biggest of His miracles, the transformation of the human heart happened.

After the Darshan, as we were walking out, my father thought I was crying as I did not wish to join Bhagawan’s college. He remarked, “ If you are so annoyed, let us leave to Villupuram tonight itself. I will not force you to study here”. There was no way that I could explain to him my change of heart. At Bangalore, everyone in my cousin’s family said there has been some change in me ever since I came back from Puttaparthi. Yes, the old me died, embracing the Beyond.

And purely His Grace and abundance of mercy I got admitted into Bachelor of Arts that year.

Love Rass

My first interaction with Bhagawan was during the Summer Course of the same year. We were seated in neat rows inside the Dining Hall and Swami came to have lunch with us. Swami started moving amidst us. Suddenly, Swami pointed to me and asked something which I could not decipher. Not waiting, He then turned towards a student brother who was standing nearby and gave some instructions. Only when that brother came, I realized that in my plate a cup with aam ras wasn’t there and He wanted to ensure that I did not miss out on that.

Who am I in front of His thousands and thousands of devotees? Would there be any loss if I was served one item less? I melted in His Love that tasted sweeter than any ras could ever, a Love that is Beyond the love of thousands of mothers.

The Jovial Mandir Sessions

After the Interviews, one day Bhagawan started interacting with us students who were in the middle portico. Swami asked what was for lunch that day. One of the items was ladies finger. Swami asked if we knew why it was called a ladies finger. Prompt came my reply, “Swami probably because it resembles a lady’s finger.” All people around including Swami had a hearty laugh even as Swami raised His Hand to affectionately hit me.

As I fondly recall Bhagawan descending to our levels during those mandir sessions, I also remember our elders reminding us not to get carried away and to maintain decorum while interacting with Swami.

With His greatest Devotee

My most cherished moment was when Sai Geetha came to Mandir during the Dusshera festivals of 1994. Bhagawan asked me to distribute sweets that morning and as Sai Geetha came closer, Bhagawan asked me to open the sweet packets and give them to Him so that He could feed Sai Geetha.

With only Swami, Sai Geetha and myself – this feeding went on for a very long time, maybe more than 5- 10 minutes. I remember that I had to be prompt to ensure that neither Swami nor Sai Geetha had to wait and at the same time ensure I was not littering the mandir with empty wrappers by tucking them all into all my pockets.

Letters to Bhagawan

Once I wrote a letter to Him and put it in a postal envelop and pasted it.

Bhagawan accepted the letter and tried opening it but realized it was pasted. He returned it to me saying something which I did not understand. Sanjay Sahni sir who was sitting next to me said to open the envelope and give the letter alone to Swami.

As I did that with a lot of nervousness, Swami waited patiently, and as I handed over to Him, He said, “Don’t waste money”.

My parents had always felt that I did not value money as they had seen my spending habits. But here was the omniscient one guiding & correcting me.

Once a cousin named Ramesh visited Prasanthi Nilayam. This person was going through a tough time as a trusted business colleague had cheated him and had filed a false case in the Madras High Court. Sitting on the lawns of our hostel, Ramesh asked me if writing a letter to Swami would resolve this issue. I said he should do so with full faith and leave whatever happens to Swami. My cousin tried giving the letter to Swami for the next few days but could not. Hence before leaving Parthi, he handed over the letter to me to hand it over to Swami. For the next 3 weeks, I took the letter to every single Darshan, but Swami did not accept it.

Once, I was holding two letters -mine and my cousin’s, but Swami carefully picked only my letter and did not accept my cousin’s. On all the other days, Swami used to look at the letter and me and simply pass by. One fine evening, I was seated in the middle portico and Swami kept walking past me repeatedly collecting letters from everyone, except me. In fact, He accepted the letter from my hand and after a few steps simply threw it back at me. Finally during Bhajans at 5 pm, Ramesh’s prayers were accepted as Swami came near me during his last walk on that path that day, accepted the letter and went by. That evening my father called me to tell me the judgement had gone in favour of my cousin Ramesh. Interestingly, the lawyer had called them around 5 pm to inform them of the same.

A Presence Eternal

Once during my student days, I was feeling depressed and lonely. To me who was all about friends, fun and frolic, it looked like life came to a standstill. I had joined His college only with Swami as the hope. But here He was not anywhere near me. I saw many brothers getting interviews, but I was not even seen by Him. Had I done anything wrong? The feeling of guilt only worsened my mental state of mind.

The bhajans were going on in the mandir and I was weeping, feeling forlorn. I was seated alone away from the rest of the brothers. I had closed my eyes and had bent my head so that no one would notice my crying. The next bhajan was ‘Nandalala, nandalala, dayo karo Bhagawan’.

When the lines “tumrhi Sharan bina anaathu hey hamm…”, were being sung I felt a familiar fragrance. As I opened my eyes, I saw Bhagawan standing next to me, looking down at me. I looked up, He saw my eyes filled with tears. But said nothing. He stood there, for me, just for me. And after a few minutes turned and went back.

And he continues to stand by me, for me even today. Thirty years have gone by since that day when He stood there witnessing my heart cry out to Him. I have grown in my understanding – from the outside, He has come inside me. Taking me along with Him, into the Beyond.