The gentle morning chill. Constant chant of Gayatri mantra and Aarti emanating from the shops selling audio cassettes and audio compact discs by the road side. A faint fragrance wafts through the air – incense sticks and fresh flowers. Birds chirping in the distance and the solitary ‘koel’ cooing somewhere across the ground.

I feel a strange calm as I walk down the road flanked by tall trees. The new pair of white shirt and trousers feels different. This is not an attire that I have worn in the past. I am near the pink gateway flanked by lotuses. In front of me is the Sai Ramesh Hall. There is a sense of indescribable anticipation in the heart.

Faint memories, over fifteen years old flash through my mind. That was a long time back – when I first beheld Bhagawan. I am sitting on the sands, in front of my father. Fidgeting with the sand and making childish artforms.

The atmosphere changes and I can feel my father and others around becoming alert. In the distance I see Him, dressed in bright orange. After paving His path through the gathered people, at one point He is right in front of me. I am sitting silent as He slowly moves on.

Today I will have Darshan once again. The mind is quite blank as I wait. Last night I arrived at Brindavan after the undergraduate entrance exams at Prashanti Nilayam. The patient wait. There are devotees from various countries. I am in the second row. The person in front is sitting ramrod straight and lost in deep meditation. The surroundings instill a sense of awe and being lost among the multitudes. Overpowering all other emotions is the indescribable sense of anticipation.

Music starts. A sudden flurry of guarded activity everywhere. Just as it started, all activities freeze and everyone settles into a state of alertness. I know Bhagawan is about to come for Darshan.

Where will He emerge from? From the stage? From the side flanks? It is all new to me. Palms prayerfully folded, tingling with excitement, I am looking on.

The door on the extreme left opens and Bhagavan emerges. A few letters in His left hand, He stands framed by the doorway and the morning sunlight. A wall of energy hits me. Time stands still as I am too moved to react. A feeling like I have never experienced before.

As I reminisce on that morning, over a decade and a half ago, I know it was a new beginning for me. On my way back after the morning Darshan session there was only one thought in my mind – I have to join the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning. Fortunately the Divine heard my prayers and I was blessed to join the Institute in the year 1994. Thus started a very memorable phase in my life wherein I completed my Bachelors, Masters and Doctor of Philosophy under the loving guidance of Bhagawan. Every day spent at the lotus feet had its own significance and many memories stand out over others. There is one facet that I will focus upon – Darshan.

A summer afternoon in Parthi. Devotees gathered in Sai Kulwant Hall. We have finished classes and rush to Mandir. Some stooped over their books, some in a meditative state with eyes closed, some writing letters to the Lord. Colorful handfans. A sense of eager anticipation.

The gentle music starts. Everyone sits up straight, trying to get as close to the ‘path’ as possible. Smile on faces, letters held in folded palms, eyes towards Poornachandra.

Bhagawan gracefully glides into the hall. The music accentuating the Divine steps. The feet seem to be floating in air, never touching the ground. Blessing the devotees, taking their letters, slowly He makes His way around the gathered devotees. I am looking on earnestly – ‘Will He talk to me today?’ A question that makes me look forward to tomorrow.

Darshan of the Lord – what a unique experience. Maybe in retrospect I understand the significance of Darshan better. Every Darshan has had its impact in moulding all of us.

When I recollect my initial undergraduate years, it is remarkable how Bhagawan was transforming me without even speaking one word. Just His presence and the way He was orchestrating events around me. I have gone to Mandir in various states of mind. I have gone there sad and have returned consoled, I have gone there worried and returned peaceful, I have gone there ecstatic and returned sober, I have gone there happy and returned happier.

The faint butterflies in the stomach. Slightly moist palms. Sitting next to the path, band instruments in hand. Checking the valves, making sure the keys are oiled and the instruments tuned. Waiting for Bhagawan, eager to put up a performance.

Where is the program card? Anxious moments – last minute touches to the card.

Music starts, program card arrives miraculously! Bhagawan is in no hurry to come towards the gents and students side. It feels like eternity. Bhagawan is nearing. Heart beats racing, rise into a half kneel. Bhagawan is looking at the card, looking at the instruments, no reaction.

“Swami, band program”.

“Wait.” He is gently moves forward. A feeling of heaviness within.

I remember that morning Darshan quite well. We were waiting to put up a band program and Bhagawan did not give permission immediately. The morning Bhajans started and we had all but given up hope when after a few Bhajans Bhagawan sent word for the band program to begin. What many of us did not realize at the time was that during Darshan two of the band boys were missing and had gone to get their instruments from the Western choir who had borrowed them the previous evening!

As Bhagawan says, God’s delays are not God’s denials. But the delays are often instrumental in helping us grow and make us more prepared when He decides to give.

The festive spirit is unmistakable. Colourful flags and buntings. The hot air balloon with Bhagawan’s photograph soaring high. The vast sea of humanity – mind boggling. Shanti Vedika and the Hill View Stadium packed to capacity. The intermittent sirens, the convoy of guest dignitaries. Lucky indeed that they can enjoy the proximity to the Lord on this grand day.

Feeling very humbled, like a drop in the ocean. Music and chants pierce the air. Craning necks and the mad rush to stand up. There in the distance – dressed in bright yellow – Bhagawan entering the Hill view stadium. The atmosphere is electric. It is the Lord’s Birthday! The King mighty and powerful, a benevolent smile playing on His lips. Compassionate, showering His Blessings on everyone gathered. Moving slowly towards the grand stage.

Bhagawan’s birthday celebrations are always such a buzz of activity. A busy time for all the students preparing for the convocation drama, music program, band and ceremonial procession. A few times I was fortunate to watch Bhagawan closely as the Birthday celebrations approached. It was a unique and educative experience to see Him take such detailed interest in every aspect and ensure the comfort and satisfaction of everyone.

Chilly morning. The roads are quite dark. Walking briskly towards Mandir, the eyes still feeling a bit heavy.

Beautiful decorations adorn Sai Kulwant Hall. Red, green and gold. The Christmas tree shimmering under the lights. Candles light up the faces of devotees assembled. The soulful hum of carols permeates the air.

Magical atmosphere. Solemn and a feeling of happy expectancy. Bright lights focused on the glittering silver doors.

Through the hymns everyone is eagerly gazing up, not wanting to miss the moment.

The doors fly open – there stands Bhagawan. Resplendent in pure white. Claps resound all over and the carols gather momentum. Tears of joy on many eyes.

There He stands, the epitome of poise, benevolence and magnificence. Showering love and blessings on all the devotees gathered for Darshan.

There are so many memories associated with the moments we have enjoyed in the presence of Bhagawan. Indeed it is Bhagawan’s Darshan and interaction that infuses life into the daily schedule. Just as the sun rises everyday to provide succour for all living organisms so too Darshan provides the warmth for the growth of our inner being. The various festivals and celebrations are like the changing seasons as we move from one year to the other.

Sitting in ‘old students block’. Visiting Parthi for a few days. The joyous feeling of homecoming. Known faces. New faces. Vedic chants.

Flurry of activity, everyone settling down.
Bhagawan is coming.
‘Will He look at me today ?’
‘Will He speak to me today… ?’